


A Bar in New York

by alisand



Series: Jesse is the Eventual Girlfriend of a Lesbian Superhero [1]
Category: Social Network (2010) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Femslash, Genderswap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-05
Updated: 2011-09-05
Packaged: 2017-10-23 10:46:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/249437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alisand/pseuds/alisand
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jesse meets Andi, but that isn't a big deal.... right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Bar in New York

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to GirlA (Pocketfullofpearls) on Tumblr for the Beta- you can find me there as alis-in-space. Comments are loved. Concrit is welcome. Yes this is weird. I know. Hopefully more to come.

 

The problem with life is that it isn’t fiction. You can’t cut out the boring bits, or hide behind the safety of a cohesive storyline. People aren’t always in character. The plot holes are gigantic. Shit happens for absolutely no reason and it never means anything. The song you’re listening to isn’t important; the snow falling is just snow. Life is fucking terrible like that.

 

Jesse’s problem is that she can never remember this simple fact. She spent too much of her childhood with books instead of friends- her attempts at acting just perpetuated this mindset. Her current career path[1], working on her PhD in history, doesn’t really help either. History is just the act of trying to turn the chaos of the past into a containable narrative. History is always a little bit fictional **–** even when it’s all true. So **–** Jesse mostly does the same thing with her own history that she does to 20th century Soviet politics. Still, most people fictionalize their pasts. That isn’t so strange or detrimental. No, her actual problem is that she does this to her present as well.

 

It’s because of this minor character flaw that Jesse doesn’t quite remember the first time she met Andi[2].  The setting was all wrong, the characterization questionable and Andi definitely hadn’t seemed important to the plot.

 

Also, their names rhymed[3].

***

 _The night Jesse doesn’t quite remember happened two years and three months ago and went something like this:_

 

Jesse wants to spend her Friday night at home with her cats[4] half-heartedly working on her dissertation while eating Indian food from the place down the block and listening to her favourite recording of _42nd Street_.

 

 Unfortunately, she has friends **–**  and they are assholes.

 

So instead of throwing on boxer shorts and a tee and settling down for a semi-productive weekend, she is staring at her closet, hoping to find something, _anything_ , to wear that won’t make Emma drag her shopping tomorrow.

 

Why does she even have friends? Why do things like this have to happen to her?

 

Whatever, she thinks staring into the abyss of her closet[5], this is clearly a hopeless endeavor. I’ll just wear something from the dresser. Emma’s rule about going out in clothes from drawers is stupid anyway, and obviously only valid for people who actually have a hope of looking attractive.

 

Half an hour, and twelve combinations of clothing later she looks at herself in the mirror. Jeans. T-shirt[6]. Hair pulled back into a ponytail which hopefully makes it look less like she is deranged and / or about to be consumed by her giant hair. Same shoes she wears all the time. She half considers make-up, but fuck it this is as good at it is going to get.

 

 No wonder Emma broke up with you, she berates herself, bad enough trying to be an out lesbian actress, no need to be one with a schlub for a girlfri----shit, a late fucking schlub. She can’t believe it’s nearly seven thirty already. Emma is going to murder her, and knowing Emma she’d probably get away with it.

 

Jesse grabs her bag, keys, phone and a random hoodie[7]and runs out the door in what can only be described as a panic.

***

“Jess!” Emma shouts from the bar

 

Jesse turns and waves back half heartedly before Emma runs over and drags her into a hug.

 

 Jesse tries not to think about the fact that Emma’s breasts are directly in her face and fails spectacularly.

 

When Emma stops suffocating her with her perfect breasts, Jesse finally gets a good look at her for the first time in months[8]. She’s a redhead now, and looks stunning. Jesse feels even more underdressed than she did leaving the house. Emma’s got on four inch fuck-me heels and a yellow and black dress that would make Jesse look like a jaundiced bee. Life is not fair.

Jesse scans the bar, but can’t see any of their usual crowd. For one terrifying second she is consumed with the idea that it is just going to be her and Emma[9].

 

“Where is everyone?” she finally blurts out.

 

Emma seems unfazed by Jesse’s inability to grasp the nuances of verbal communication.

 

“We’ve got a table in the back! C’mon order yourself something and then help me carry these.”

 

She gestures to the five drinks on the bar top.

 

Oh, Jesse thinks, I should have noticed that. Then she does as ordered[10].

***

 

The table in the back is actually a badly lit corner booth that is crammed full of people. It looks claustrophobic and terrible. Still, she recognises most of them, which is a relief.

It’s the usual crowd: Brenda[11], Joe & Patrick[12], Rashida[13], Rashida’s girlfriend[14], Kristin[15], Justin[16] and Milo.[17] The new additions seem to all be of the boyfriend variety, Kristin is whispering to a guy she’s never seen before and Milo appears to have acquired a pet giant. This is vaguely comforting, because Milo and Kristin never hang on to boyfriends (or girlfriends for that matter) for very long.

 

She turns to Emma for support, guidance and hopefully a different seating option.

 

Emma is passing out drinks **–**  and challenging Joe to an arm wrestling contest.

 

Left to her own devices, Jesse freezes. Unfortunately the only open seat is next to the giant, and she might be tiny, but squishing up close to the largest human being she’s ever seen in real life who is, worse yet, a stranger, is the most terrifying thing she has ever been faced with[18]. Yet, the other option is earning Emma ire- which is a known value- but still terrifying.

 

The giant gets up and seems to be preparing to give her a hug. Jesse considers fleeing. This guy has to be over a foot taller than her and appears to be made of muscles. Jesse doesn’t trust people with that many muscles.

 

“Hi,” she says[19]. “I’m Jesse. Please don’t crush me.”

 

The giant smiles the biggest, goofiest smile she has ever seen and laughs like a ten year old. She’s about to tell him that she wasn’t joking when she thinks better of offending a giant.

 

He sticks out a giant hand. She shakes it and wonders how he manages to do things like type or pet kittens without breaking everything ever.

 

“I’m Jared! Don’t worry, Milo warned me that you weren’t the hugging type! I’m just really glad to meet you **–** your friends keep telling me how amazing you are!”

 

“I should warn you that they are all liars,” she says “especially Milo.”

  
Jared laughs again. Jesse sort of wonders if he’s simple for a second before feeling like a horrible human being for wondering that **–** you’re crazy too, she reminds herself, stop being a judgemental bitch.

 

***

 

“Oh,” Kristin says “Rob is not my boyfriend. Hell no. He’s my new co-star. I just brought him out to meet the friends because I’m pretty sure his girlfriend **–** who you’ll notice is not me, was going stir crazy in their hotel room. Which I think anyone stuck with that surly bastard might. Though I actually don’t know where the hell she went...”

 

Jesse doesn’t actually care about Rob’s girlfriend or Rob, and tells Kristin as much. Kristin, true to form, laughs and tells Jesse that they’re going to do shots. Jesse remembers why she has always liked Kristin.

 

***

 

 _But on to the part that really matters_ **–** _this is how Jesse meets Andi for the first time, even if she doesn’t remember it_ :

 

Jesse is vomiting in the ally. She is never drinking again and fuck the fucking line for the bathroom. She hates vomiting. At least her hair is mostly tied back. Fucking tequila. Fucking Kristin. Her mouth tastes like something died in it. Some rap remix of _Stronger_ is playing[20] and it should just get out **–** because that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” bullshit is just such bullshitty bullshit and she wants to vomit and then die. Why is she swearing so much? This is all Kristin’s fault. Why is she still drunk? She does not want to be drunk anymore. The sidewalk is spinnnnnnnnnniiiiiiinnnnngggggg.

 

She sort of stumble-sits down.

 

It is very graceful and pretty. She is a swan.

 

Those statements are blatant lies.

 

This is why no one wanted her in their movies. She is not pretty or graceful. Nobody wants a twitchy chick in their films. No one wants to fuck a twitchy chick. She is too drunk for this. She considers passing out **–** Emma will come find her. Maybe they’ll make the giant (J--- something) carry her home. He mouth still tastes like corpses.

 

“Hi,” says a friendly, disembodied British voice.

 

“No, thank you. I don’t want any auditory hallucinations,” she tells the voice with impressive calm.

 

There is a friendly disembodied British laugh and then someone sits down next to her.

 

Jesse cannot focus on the face. The voice is female and the blur appears to be smiling, so Jesse figures it’s probably okay.

 

“How much... did... did... how long have you been here?” she asks

 

“Long enough to see your impressive projectile vomiting. Would you like a fag to get the taste out?”

 

Jesse is about to be offended when she remembers that fag is British for cigarette and that makes a lot more sense really because she doesn’t really know how a fag would help with the taste of vomit.

“Sure,” she says even though she does not smoke, because the pictures of rotting lungs are terrifying.

 

The world spins again and then the blur passes her a lit cigarette. She is a very nice blur. Jesse tells her as much.

 

“I try. Well not to look like a blur, but to be nice. I’m afraid that I’m not usually this successful.”

 

Jesse wants to respond, but she has to pause to attempt to hack up a lung and forgets what she was going to say.

 

The blur asks if she’s okay and she nods shakily.

 

The blur takes the cigarette away from her and then appears to attempt a world record for quickest smoking of a cigarette. Jesse is a little sad when she stubs out the last of the little orange light on the wall. It is just a sad thing.

 

“C’mon, Jess” the blur says “Let’s see if we can get you home.”

 

Jesse jerks away. “How... I didn’t. Do I know you?”

 

“Not yet, “she replies. “Hi! I’m Andi, Rob’s girlfriend, and you’re Jesse, Emma’s ex.”

 

“I don’t usually go by ‘Emma’s ex’, because that’s weird for everyone involved,” she responds with a surprising amount of coherence.

 

“Fair enough. But how about we try to find her anyway **–** because you need to get some water and go to bed.”

 

Jesse thinks that these are probably good ideas, so she lets Andi help her up and tries valiantly not to vomit.

 

No one they know seems to be around. Except for Rashida’s girlfriend who is dancing on a table.

 

Badly.

 

Andi sits her down in the booth and is about to get up to find Emma when Jesse passes out on top of her **–** which is how Emma finds them half an hour later.

***

 

Someday Jesse will not be embarrassed by the photographic evidence of this incident, but instead keep one of the pictures pinned to the cork board in her office[21].

 

That day is not the Saturday after **–** which she spends vomiting and cursing her existence.

 

She does not remember meeting Andi.

***

 

At the start Jesse claimed that the first time she met Andi she didn’t remember her because she didn’t realise Andi would be important later on. That was a lie. Jesse doesn’t remember the first time she met Andi because she was wasted. The setting was wrong, the characterization questionable, but Andi was clearly important to the plot. Any idiot could see that.

 

That is not how Jesse tells this story to her parents or her undergrads though, so forgive her the pretence.

 

END Pt. 1

 

 

* * *

[1] Words she only utters with great amounts of irony

[2] Which is something she regrets now. Especially because Andi _does_ remember and that makes her feel guilty as fuck.

[3]Jesse has a thing about that. People who wrote books with protagonists that have rhyming names should be banned from book writing. This same rule applies to the appalling things people do when naming twins. It goes without saying that she herself would never tolerate being in any sort of unit with someone whose name rhymed with hers.

[4] Patches is a fat old calico and Juniper is a scruffy tiger that is still practically a kitten. They’d both already had names when she adopted them and it didn’t feel right to change them.

[5] The contents of her closet are as follows: 1- ugly dress bought at the Salvation Army three to five years ago; 3- button up shirts in white, blue, and red, but not her favorite black one which is in the wash; 2- dresses that are definitely Emma’s and therefore would not fit Jesse in this or any universe; 5- hoodies: blue, yellow, grey, black and purple with the NYU logo; 3- sweaters: brown, green and blue; 2- ugly plaid (oh god could she be more of a lesbian stereotype?) shirts: blue, brown-ish; 2 black skirts; 1- blazer: black; 1- winter coat: black, two sizes too large, good for layers and burrowing into, bad for biking; 1- winter coat: brown, correct size, good for biking and not looking like a stuffed animal, bad for her personal comfort; 1- puffy vest: olive green; 7- shoes: not paired, various colors and styles; 4- boxes of books that she should probably have unpacked by now, but she needs to buy another bookshelf first.

[6] Long sleeved, stripped, technically a “thermal” not a tee-shirt, but as Jesse is Jesse and not Emma she doesn’t know that,  has buttons the top both of which are unbuttoned

[7] Zip-up, formerly black currently a sort of darkish grey

[8] They were not avoiding each other because of the break up. It’s the truth! Emma had to be in LA for work.

[9] Though her thoughts are actually “oh fuck fuck I can’t do this oh fuck oh fuck.  We are going to have sex. When we get drunk alone we always have sex. Oh fuck.  No more sex with your ex, Jesse. No. Wait. Wait. Emma wouldn’t. Fuck.. No she. ASK HER YOU IDIOT”

[10] With only a slight delay over what she should order so as to not look stupid, but also not have to drink something disgusting. She settles on a rum and coke **–** because she is poor and also she sort of liked them when she was an undergrad.

[11] Future MBA. Badass. Has a fondness for spike heels and pretty boys. She regularly drinks all of them under the table.

[12] Who have been Joe&Patrick for as long as Jesse has known them. Joe is a former child actor and they both work at the zoo. Patrick specializes in sharks, Joe in reptiles. They are possibly the strangest people Jesse has ever met.

[13] The nicest person Jesse has ever met. She’s a social worker and her job is _insane_ and she _keeps doing it_. Jesse may also love her for not wearing spike heels- because she needs at least one friend at eye level.

[14] Who has a name that Jesse has been told at least four or five times, but can never remember.

[15] Is someone that Jesse has known forever- before Emma forever even. They met back when she was an idiot who thought she could be an actor they went out for a lot of the same roles. Kristin got all of them and somehow this made them great friends. Jesse isn’t sure how.

[16] Bartha, not Timberlake. She only makes this distinction because people seem to want to hear her Timberlake stories all the time. They aren’t that exciting. He just passes out on her couch sometimes. It’s not a thing. She didn’t realize he was famous okay?

[17] The less said about Milo the better.

[18] Also terrifying is the shade of pink that his shirt is

[19] Okay so it’s more of a ‘squeak’ but whatever. She needs her dignity.

[20] She does not talk about her Daft Punk phase. Ever.

[21] She will have tenure at this point. She isn’t stupid.


End file.
